If you are just now joining us for the “Not So Mommy Blogs”, I suggest you start with the first installment, HERE, otherwise, continue reading and hopefully get a laugh at my expense 😉

Keep in mind, these are JUST my ramblings, iPhone photos and showing that LIFE IS NORMAL and filled with REALITY and not just Instagram, Pinterest and Facebook perfect moments – so if haters gonna hate then stop reading now 😉

The other day, I was sitting with my sisters 3 closest friends at a mutual friends baby shower…..

(Tangent: Now, let me just say that these women are insanely incredible mothers – each in their own way. Not only that, but they are the kind of women who, when you are talking to them, make you feel like the MOST IMPORTANT thing in the world. So, as I dive into the conversation with them, keep in mind that they are gracious, sweet, curtious and would NEVER ever make me feel about about not knowing the in’s and out’s of the mommy-world. )

I was overhearing lots of “advice” and chats about babies and being a mommy when a question started to particularly form in my mind and I somewhat blurted it out ” Gals, when you are done breast feeding (assuming you can and decide to…) how does a kid get all the “nutrients” they need? I mean I am all about fishy crackers and those little puff snacks … but really, I can just buy baby food jars for a while, but what next?” They all three chimed in about their thoughts, recipes, and quick tips to healthy snacks for kids! I was relieved to find out it’s not as hard as I thought… one of them even mentioned MAKING my own baby foods! -HA! that thought cracked me up since I can’t cook really ANYTHING worth actually eating… but I decided to entertain the thought of making it anyway…. “So I just blend up broccoli, or carrots or whatever I want to have them eat and then freeze it in ice cube trays for later?” Seems easy enough!!! They must have caught a funny look on my face as I sat and pondered how DRY… chunky and yucky the food processor would make broccoli…. because I turned to them and said “Wait, do I add water to make it pasty or something like the consistency that it comes in the jars?” Before they realized I was CLEARLY envisioning blending up RAW, COLD and un-cooked veggies, one of them said, “well you can always register for the machine that steams it and then processes it for you!” I thought…. RIGHT! Of course! you have to cook the veggies first!!!! – Which I admittedly blurted out loud when indeed I thought it was in my head…..

These three ladies laughed as hard as I did at the thought of me standing in my kitchen with a table full of RAW veggies and just putting them in a food processor and wondering why it wasn’t like the paste you buy in baby food jars…… ha. Well this lead to the next week when my sister thought it would be a genius idea to have me watch my two nephews for a couple hours while she was at a meeting. Afterall, all I’d have to do is make sure they didn’t break anything in my house, feed them and put them to bed! Sounds not that hard…..

Well….. it WAS HARD!

Here’s a quick synopsis of what took place in those couple hours and what I learned:

1. My house is NOT baby proof, and I have NO toys at all what-so-ever that are appropriate for a 2 year old and a 15 month old… Thus a mess of pillows and randomness made it’s way onto my floor within a matter of seconds after my sister walked out the door… my clean house is doomed after kids…

2. I have literally NO food suitable for the likes of these two in my cupboard so in order to buy myself some time to FIND something, the cold cheeseburger and fries I found in the baby bag – that may or may not have been from that same day – would have to do…. and poor Camper (the little one) earned his big brothers left-overs that I was “Shoo-ing” Sury (my dog) away from on the floor before they landed on his plate…

See Example: (wipes Tonie?! Really? You put the wet wipes out for Cashel to “play with”….I know I know….

 

3. I will indeed be investing in plastic plates, baby spoons and snack cups… even though I am not sure WHY I need them, when no food stays on a plate anyway…. and if Sury ever bites the dust, I will be getting another dog PRONTO, if only to have them “clean the floors” when the baby is done eating….

See Example 2:

 

4. I may end up being a “oh-my gosh my child is dying and I am going to get sick from whatever they have- freaking out” kind of mom… oh man I hope not…

After I realized that Camper was not interested in eating at all… I picked him up to move him to the couch… and kissed his sweet little head even though he had been being a pill all night even though that’s NOT his personality at all… and when I kissed his head it was PIPING HOT! Like… really really hot and it IMMEDIATELY scared me. I frantically grabbed my phone and started texting my sister “Alex! When are you coming home?!” – Side note, I had been with them for MAYBE an hour…. “Is your meeting over yet?! Camper is sick, I am sure of it! Am I going to get sick?! What do I do?! Al???… hello? you there? I am freaking out here!” — She had JUST arrived at her meeting and didn’t have her phone near her…. So I grabbed an ice pack, put a wash cloth around it and as he laid pretty much motionless on the couch I put the ice pack on his back and neck hoping to soothe him a bit until E was off from work and I could have him pick up baby Tylenol. Camper drifted off to sleep and I was SO thankful… meanwhile… Cashel (the older one) was terrorizing the house and getting into ever cupboard he could open… I learned to pick my battles right there…

5. I am SO glad that babies do NOT come out with poop like a 2 year old… and instead with “newborn poop”

– and folks, spare me the stories of projectile newborn poop, blowouts and more… I KNOW they exist and I plan on facing them one day at a time…. – but for REAL, 2 year old poop squashed in a diaper after nap is WAY worse than ANY newborn poop by a long shot…. After Cashel woke up from his nap, I went up to get him from the room, which STUNK so bad I almost threw up and made matters worse! The poop was on the sheets, on his pi’s and when I finally stripped him down, it was on my and my floors too! GROSSSSS……. Cashel promptly saw the expession on my face and stated through his binky in his mouth “So sorry bout’ that Tee Tee…. so sorry..” HAHAH Cashel for the win! Once we got him cleaned up, Camper was awake again and all I could do was count the minutes until E and my sister were home….

See Example:

 

Now, this all may not have sounded THAT bad to you super mom’s, but for this “non-mommy” it was a LOT to take in that night! E came home and rescued me with baby Tylenol and Alex soon followed and stroked my ego a bit and told me I did everything right. Low and behold, she took Camper to the Dr the next day and the poor kid had Pneumonia!!! So, I was right… one victory point for Tonie! He was sick! YESSS! I was RIGHT! ….. which suddenly led to feeling guilty for being happy that there was indeed something wrong with him 😉 Long story short, it felt like a LONG night of failures and wondering “How am I EVER going to keep a decently clean house… make baby food from scratch… and raise kids who don’t hate me and are dressed to the nines like my sisters Kids?! Well… I guess that part of the story I will figure out later….

PS here is a photo of Camper two days later and MUCH more himself than the night I watched him and Cashel and Alex doing “the Tonie Face” as a Thank you text message for watching them 😉 That brightened me up a bit!